To begin with I apologise to all my iland mates for being in the oblivion too long. I was honestly busy to the core, trying desperately to set up my own playschool and nursery. Now that things are taking shape, I was wondering if I could get some help from you creative souls.

The playschool has a concept of different mini destinations, like the pigeionhole land, the beach party land, the forest land, the nature land, the play land, the computer land, the tv land, the sand land, and stuff. so basically I have named each section as a differnt"land". everything is working out well, but i am stuck with the choice of names. I need a name which ends with a "land" such as "the happy land" or something like that.

Any help? any suggestions?

The place where you are most comfortable is home, i have heard. I am most comfortable here so this is my home. A lot of people, innumerable, mailed to me after reading my blogs urging me to answer this question. A lot of people I know are still not convinced by my arguments. The question is "Why did you leave such a beautiful country, an overseas land like Australia where people would love to go for something like India."

I had thought that I had already answered this question through my previous blogs. Guess I was wrong. Everyone and mind you I am not using the term most of them, EACH AND EVERYONE has told me that it is homesickness. Those who know what I am talking about will agree with me that it is not homesickness. By those I mean people with families, with children.who see their children play indoor games 90percent of the time , who see their counterparts in India emerge smarter and happier and living a better lifestyle will understand.

I cannot emphasize enough that overseas is not what bollywood shows. You cannot watch "Salaam Namaste" and think Australia is beautiful. I dont deny it is not. It is a beautiful country.but so is India.You cannot see a dark woman and assume she is not beautiful. Well coming back to the point. I think this mindset has come fom the fact the Indians always have assumed inferiority over white skin, Even to this date, fairness creams sell like popcorn, and matrimony ads say "very very fair a.k.a very very beautiful". Secondly it is the picture portrayed by the so called NRI's who say "Oh we have a much better lifestyle there, we earn 20 laks per annum" Anyone whose been there can tell you about the lifestle there. True you own appliances you wont probably buy in India, but there is a difference,because owning a dishwasher is a luxury in India, it is a necessity overseas. And mind you not all homes have one, same applies to the air conditioning. Not all countries are blessed with the weather as always being cool and pleasant.

Life is much harsher and harder, and all of you who have asked me obviously havent been there to live. Let me make it very clear, holidays are very different. And when people talk of earning more money I have a simple argument to make. You can see their spending power is probably more but, only when they visit India, not where they stay. They are shopping for a whole year in India because it is cheaper and better. Also I would like to add, if you dont convert the dollars into rupees, where is the wealth? And if you do decide to settle there, you are not going to convert, so you are not rich. Infact, I think educated people fall back on their levels of lifestyle and intellects.

I can only explain things according to my small ideas and opinions. For those whose dream it is to go to America, Australia, ...........whatever,,,my only advice is Please do so. It is always better to fulfil ur your dream for better or for worse, than to regret for the entire life. For me it was a dream to come back to India, and I dont regret it all, infact I now have respect for things and people that I always took for granted before I went to Australia, like the maids, the labourmen, family ties, friendships and the Indian way of life. I adjusted immediately in the land I was born. There was no need for me to drink mineral water or not eat outside, not even for my year old son. India was a decision made with a lot of thought, and not impluse.

As far as homesickness is concerned, I have lived apart from my family in hostels for around 6 years, then I got married and was at my inlaws for another 3 years. I dont have a huge circle of friends,except for a selective few. I am not new to homesickness.

I love India, and I feel blessed to be born in this country. It sure has some flaws, but what country does not. We prefer to overlook that fact. We want to hear what we like to hear. To all those blog friends and strangers who mailed me with questions, I hope I have made myself clear. Though I am not answerable to anyone but my own conscience, I still have tried my best to open out my heart to you. Thank you for listening.

Today as the sun shines through the french window in my apartment I can relish the pattern the rays make on the carpet. As I walk across the streets I noticed the red shining post box and the irritating cleanliness of the trees, almost unnatural. From my dust tinted eyes which always showed me a bleak picture of the world around me ....today I can see light. I enjoy the breathtaking view from my window that my guests go crazy over, only for this day and appreciate the beauty of this foreign land. Because today I feel like a tourist enjoying the intricacies of the city I live in.

I feel elated, joyous......happy, excited. I am coming back. Back to the place I call home.Back to my country and back to everything I missed so much while I was here. Once upon a time as I stood on the railway platform of Surat city waiting for my train, I despised the stench, that peculiar stench of coolies and dust, and people and trains. I despised the crowds and I wanted to run away. From what I do not know and still to this date fail to understand. I despised the system, the queues the chaiwallahs, the chinese "larris", .I couldnt wait to go home and shower. Today I long for that nose twitching odours, that untidyness beckons me, the chailwallas seem to wait for me. How we never fail to amaze ourselves!!!.

I cannot anticipate the feeling I will get when I step on the airport and breathe the Indian air. I might sound like a romantic.( I am actually) but I am sure some people can relate to me. Trust me , these words come from my heart. I want to savour every moment from now on that I have started packing to come to my land of origin for good. All those things that depressed me since all these days, the loneliness, the foreignness now seem like tiny traces on the sand of my mind's eye. I close my eyes and believe my dream coming true to life. ....enveloped in a rainbow of colourful memories I look ahead as I say goodbye to Australia and enter the gulleys of the future where the past once lived.

India.............................................wowww

Hands behind his neck, his gesture in a peaceful ex-pression sprawled across the wall above, unshaven with a few strands around his chin, toussled hair almost untidy, thin arms popping out from a marron t-shirt which had "aum" as its only symbol and as if speech is too painful, dwelling into the realms of silence as his only solace from the frivoulous things happening around the house......he yawns......this is how I remember him.

His smile is spontaneous, comes out suddenly showing his teeth..the full set and his eyebrows twitched high up. He dresses so casually always that sometimes I think he would rather wear khadi to show us all how materially wasteful clothing is. He reads Osho and Harry Potter in front of us but piled shabbily in his room sometimes I come across  a book whose name is so foreign, something like "Physical revelation in the philosophy of Tooth decay" it makes me wonder whether I do know him at all.

When we say goodbye to each other eventhough we have met after a whole year, it invariably brings tears to my eyes. He is so different from me at times, and sometimes we are so similar, I dont wonder if God did not cast us from the same clay. I always enjoy time spent with him, even if we just sit in the same room and read different books. I would be reading Sidney Sheldon and he would be reading Wodehouse and smirking from time to time.

Books have always bound us together, so has the love for launguage and ex-pression.....and each other. We never ever have expressed our love in conventional terms, but we both know that if there is one person in the whole wide world who would understand us without one word spoken it is each other.

I was happy when he was getting married, so was he when I tied the knot.. but both of us were hoping deep down in the recesses of our minds that let our spouses be for us what we have been to each other all our lives, right from the beginning of the beginning.

Today I want to say to him, that he is one of the best men who has touched my life. I always look upon him with awe and admiration, and would run to him for advice. Even though he is younger to me...I have essentially been the immature of the two, more demading, more attention seeking and more expressive too.

To him ,my brother, my constant companion, I dedicate this day and all those priceless moments shared of that years of growing up. As I remember you today I remember all those discussions and futlie judgements we made and all those things that shaped us today for who we are.

May God bless you and endow you with all that you need and hope for. I will always love you.

Happy Rakhshabandhan

Every time I open my rediff account, pops up an ad for matrimony.  A beautiful girl with an attractive smile gaping at me. An aspiring model painstakingly dressed to look like the girl next door, smart, caring and shlyly seductive. I guess any bachelor planning to get married would be tempted to check out this site. Not anything against rediff, could be any site, it is invariably always a girl staring at me. I always wonder why does it have to be a girl to trigger the fantasies about a happy home for the guy.What about the girls out there trying to find a suitable groom? They have to be satisfied with the mehandi of the girl and think this could be me........or maybe think I look better than this girl in all ways, it could be me. ....and still keep wondering what it is that ticks the guys, gets the parents matching horroscopes, getting married? Does anyone know why does it always has to be girl ?

When I was searching these sites some day in the past. it was embarassing to admit to friends that I was searching the web for a groom, ( I wish we could google that out too), that was one of the thoughts running in my mind that what was about the girls that get married. their looks, the way they have their hair done, their speech mayve  not visible in the photos and I actually went and searched the bride section to have a look at the profiles of the brides  would be. Today I am married to a wonderful guy who was defintely worth all that wait and all that effort of sitting every night on the web with dad behind my back asking me to scroll slowly...........I still dont have a logical answer to the questions of my would-be-bride friends as to what it is that ticks.........I guess marriages are made in heaven after all.

 Strong is the longing to express what I think , feel , want to think, want to be such that it makes every moment, every thought worthwhile if I express it .Our quest to find like minded people, I don’t know where that will lead or whether there is anything called like-mindedness. For a day or a few the beginning of a relationship, anything, seems like wow, Oh so wonderful!!!! and then the complain for being so mundane. When will we get out of the hatred for the mundane? Love for everyday tasks, love for the job that I do, love to clean my house, love to wash dishes, love to walk to the trains…………….we constantly aspire for higher things. Like-mindedness for instance, success like never before, something to hope for ,something magical, out of this world. How we want to be adored, and admired and loved and respected and always cared for. How easily we forget that we are also supposed to adore, admire, love, respect, compliment and care for someone, why some special one, why not everyone.

I sometimes think of those people in the olden days, that old grandfather sitting on the khatiya outside the hut, looking at passersby, waiting for lunchtime, where did he find the happiness to lazily sway by his thoughts. The women of times, I incessantly admire them. They never complain of boring housework, hectic family schedules, how did they find the courage not to aspire to be someone who they are not.

Caring for the kids, cooking, mundane everyday tasks, nowhere to go to during the day and yet she had the inclination to dress up differently every day, day after day for the man in her life. After being complained at the salt being too little in her careful cooking continuously , where did she find the maturity to say that her hubby is probably has a grumpy attitude and live with it? Behind the perfectly creased saree and tightly knotted hair, was the coy smile to say that she knows the art to bed tigress in bed.

I always wonder about the dissatisfaction we live with. The quest for happiness, the path for joy, do we find it when we look for it and where do we actually look for it? It has to be within and I guess it has to be like mother said in complete satisfaction with whatever you have. “ Santoshi nar sadaa sukhi” she said( A satisfied man is eternally happy)

Why do mothers always have to be right?

Your body tries to heal you on its own. More often than not we get into the way of our natual defense system to make things worse. If there was a way where we could heal ourselves and help the mechanism of the body, diseases would be a mundane matter to attend to than the fearful fare they generate. I have found a way.........Pranic healing.                                                                   

No I am not paid anything to write this and I am not promoting a cult. Today I read a fellow bloggers article on Pranic healing which inspired me to shed more light on the subject.

Pranic healing is healing our aura and the rebalancing the chakras to help our own body normalise its functions. Any disease first affects the aural body before affecting the physical body. Similarly a contaminated physical body leads to a dirty aural body resulting in a general feeling of being unwell or emotional upsets or the like. Take an example:  We all feel uncomfortable in a cramped space, like a lift.why? Cause there are too many auras clashing and they are not all compatible. How often do we have an instant like or dislike for someone we just met.........its just compatible auras. Some people just have an air of radiance around them, always attracting people towards them , more likely to have a big heart chakra. Diseases of the gut, like ulcers are caused by emotional issues, something medical science does not have a convincing answer to , well pranic healing does. Too many negative emotions leads to a congested or a big solar pleaxus chakra located near ur stomach, which is actually a fire energy , and can cause disease. There are hundreds of such examples and I have healed many patients. My quest began when as a phyiotherapist I did not ge satisfactory answers from medical science......and I studied Reiki, which is also quite good but very lengthy. I had a patient, a baby with cerebral palsy, who was  yrs old but couldnt walk or sit or understand. All the doctors including myself had told the parents that it is quite impossible that he would walk, or stand . The case , as is called, is hopeless. We continued giving him daily therapy for maintenance so he does not get worse, and is easy for the parents to handle.

I went on a long vacation to Kerala, substituting another therapist to work on him. When I returned, his spine was straight instead of curved, his legs were straight, and there were hardly any deformities in the leg that previously existed. From a layman point of view it was not much, cause he was not walking as yet, but from any medical point of view, it was a major feat. Any major operation was also hard to give such immediate results. So I asked his mother what she had done and  whether the substitute therapist was so good, after all??????and she after much reluctance, told me that it was pranic healing.

After that day I havent looked back. I studied advanced healing and to this date I get oooohs and aaahs and " Try it on me, lets see if you can make my headache better, now itself" kind of comments. I have most of the time succeeded , with God's grace.

Anyone inclined to heal and having a clear and clean intention  can learn this science and it is so easy to learn and practice ,you will be amazed at the results. Unfortunately it is so miscredited, it is a pity. Thanks to Poornima K for bringing this up.

You can find more information at www.pranichealing.org

To all the readers of my story, I would like to say a big thanks for their time and involvement. It is a fiction about a real life scenario. Some people like the narrative but are not happy with the conclusive part. To them I can say I am trying and I will keep trying. You keep the self critic in me alive and kicking.
There are some others though who say that the story does not sound convincing.....and the characters do not seem real. Well......I do know such people, but I would like to know which character is not convincing to you? Is it Rena? I am sure every female around can relate to some or the other part of Rena. It is according to me not far fetched. I would never allow myself to get into an extra marital affair to begin with( not to mention I honestly have a wonderful husband) but I can relate to someone who does.Is it Shibir? Rare, though it may be such forgiving and mature people do exist. Or is it Deven? There is nothing extraordinary about Deven. He could be any guy we meet.
This is not about people and their weaknesses but it is about the way life and marriage change and the pace with which every generation cannot keep up. Confused between old ideals and new, sandwiched between our culture and the need to be western or modern and the balance we thrive to achieve is what I have tried to portray in a way most people can relate to.
I honestly appreciate your ideas and comments. I am pleased that so many people have so much to say about this story. Please keep giving me your valued opinions and advice. My writing thrives on it. Thank you Sheila for backing me up. Thank you Amit, Ankit, Sheikh Rehman and Sandil Srinivasan for your advices. I will, I promise work on those aspects.

Arrested with her own turmoil, Rena never found the time, or the inclination to see her friends. She had two groups of friends. One who chided her on having an extramarital affair, which included mainly married and single but never married people. The other who said "Hey what the heck? Go on babes, get a life. Let your dumbo hubby rot and miss you." This group included the single, divorced and boldly unhappy in their marriage people. Rena did not find solace in any of them.She was curled in her blanket on the floor surfing the television looking for something to grip her troubled mind. Among the noisy musicals and equally musical soaps she heard the deep voice of someone saying " The mind is the seat of trouble. Let your mind control you and you will lose all control. Have control over your mind and you will find peace."
She never ever trusted these so called swamis and could never be bothered to hear any of the crap they had to say. But she lingered on for more. Some thing in her wouldnt let her make the switch to anything else.
" There always are two ways, in whatever you do, a job and another better one, a wife and another beautiful woman, a career and your family ties.......where do you go for answers.? To your mind who troubles you even further. No one can help you because you do not know yourself what to ask for.........."The dreaded commercial. She switched channels and in the midst of it fell asleep. She longed for more, surfed the net but couldnt find his name or any information.Rena knew she had found what she was looking for in those few words. She resorted to something she had forgotten long ago. She brought her hands together, and with tears in her eyes.....She prayed...searched for answers she had never found. Her hands directed to skies she let out a wail and loudly as she could ...she cried. She cried not because she was hurt but because she was healed. She cried not because she thought she had found the wrong man but because ,finally she found herself.
She had decided, what was getting tough was to let her ego aside and tell him , tell him how much she loved him , tell him how happy she was after all. She was not worried how he would react, she was not concerned about letting herself down because for the first time in so many days she felt free. She had learnt a lesson.
She had realised that happiness cannot be found, it can also not be created, it is a state of mind and as the sadhu said, you control your own mind. She had understood why life that seemed so boring to her had a meaning of its own. She had rediscovered the joy of watching a film together.She had fallen in love for the first time... with her husband.
She decided to go back to the old fashioned way of writing and she fished out a piece of paper and wrote,
"Dear Deven,
It is no fault of yours that I have made this decision, and I hope I am not punishing you for something you do not deserve. I would look like a saint if I told you that you are single and I do not wish that you spoil your life with a confused and unhappy married woman. The truth is that I did never think of you all this while, all I thought about was myself. And that is what I am doing now too, but this time I,m happy and I dont feel guilty. I did not want to start the same story with you agian once we get to know each other better, because today I have learnt something and I have grown up. I have come out of the daze that I am a girl who needs love and care. I have concluded today to myself that I am woman whom God has endowed with so much love that I need to give it. I hae learnt that romance is only the start to a relationship and then the relationship needs to be nurtured, with or without romance. The ex-pression a man has on his face after a hearty home made meal is more satisfying for a woman than bringing her a gift on her birthday. This does not mean you are wrong and I never loved you. In a corner of my heart I still do and always will, but I realised that once we start to live together the responsibilities piling up I will endeavour again for the Deven that brought me roses. I do not have the courage to build that all over again , I have made pains to build my home and I realised that I love it alongwith the man in it.
I will always be indebted to you for this special time we spent and for being an important part of helping me hault my marriage becoming a failure.
Love, Rena.
She pinned the letter where they shared everyday notes, on the fridge. With trembling hands she turned the steering wheel towards "Shubham Apts" uncertain all the while how she was going to tell Shibir, but worry did not worry her now , because she had the strengthh to face the truth about herself and her mistakes.
She went upstairs and though she had the keys, she rang the bell and waited for Shibir to open the door............................................
                                                             ....................the end.

Marriages, they say are not made of love, but a commitment to consciously redefine and reassess love. Love they say has to be created, recreated, bound and then rolled out at each mealtime like a roti.
Rena came back from work. Today was stressful. She put her keys on the mantle and was running her hands through her tightly tied hair, looking for her clip all around, when the telephone urged her to interrupt the search and speak to the caller, who happened to be none other than Deven.
" Hi darling"
"Hi Deven.How was your day?"
"As usual and yours?"
"Busy. How was our meeting in Delhi?"
" Didnt reach to any conclusion. I might have to go again next week."
" Hmmm... So?"
" I was thinking let's go out for dinner today."
" Honestly I would love to, but I am so tired I just want to go to sleep."
" We will be back soon."
"Aa....ummmmm........"
"Get ready. I will pick you up in 15 minutes, okay?"
"Okay"
She was in the bathroom when the telephone again filled the room with its sharp voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi Rena" It was Shibir. She felt the tingling down her spine.
"Hi......."
" I just called to ask you how you are. Its been a while."
"Yeah, I am good."
"So, hows things with Deven? I tried his house first but he said you were here"
"You called his house?'
"Yes, why is there a problem?"
"Yeah ,look he is a bit edgy and anyway I dont live with him as yet, so you'd rather call here." She wondered why she didnt ask him not to call him again.
"Okay, I wont call there, I wont call at all if you dont want me to. I just find it so uneasy, you know we are so used to each other.......but if Deven doesnt like it I will better not call you."
"No Shibir, I will talk to you, because I like talking to you."
"Do you..........still?'
"Ok I have to go ...I will call you later."
She didnt relish the idea of going out with Deven now he knew that Shibir had called.She hated to start a string of never ending arguments, so this time she lifted the phone and dialed." Deven.........?"
"Yeah I am coming"
"No look yaar, seriously can we go tomorrow, I have a terrible headache."
"But....................Ok. You call me tomorrow ok cause this isnt working."
"Yeah I know. Give me a day's time and I am going to sort this out for good."
 Rena went to the little place she called her tranquil room and prayed . She reversed the whole scenario in her mind's eye.
It all started with everyday quarrels. She and Shibir had a happy married life for over 4 years. Happy in the sense they were comfortable with each other. Shibir was a straightforward and simple guy. He preferred  a quiet time over a disco or outing. He was so happy with himself that sometimes Rena felt he didnt need her at all. He helped her with housework occasionally, but Rena preferred to do it most on her own. She hated interference and besides she loved to cook. There was the everyday monotonous life. They went out with friends some times. They went out for a dinner once a week. Gradually the quarrels were more time consuming and it started affecting their work and health.
 Rena's boredom increased and so did the lack  of romance in their lives. It was nothing new. Most couples go through this phase of turmoil and change. What was turning though that she met Deven. She knew him before her wedding. He was just a dear friend then. She started seeing him often.
Deven was charming, and caring and helpful with everything and the comparisons between the two men had no limits in her mind.She fell in love with him. Shibir noticed the change in her attitude and asked her. He knew she was seeing Deven but he thought they were friends. He asked her if there was something wrong and  honest as Rena was she told him.Rena was always the one to condemn extra marital affairs. The contemt and guilt was to difficult for her to bear each day. She felt she was cheating Shibir and more so because he trusted her so much, but the thought of not seeing Deven killed her. She couldnt live without him. Everyday she got up from bed and went to work, only in the hope of seeing Deven in the evening. Deven filled her life with love and romance. His smile was a breathtaking event. The roses he brought always smelt nice like the time they shared.
Shibir stood in her life like an icon of guilt who never failed to realise her that she was wrong. His silence and pain was too much for her to bear. She wanted to live away from him , not because his attitude but because she couldnt bear the self pity. She reasoned with herself that this happens and it did not take her long to pile the blame on him. After all he wasnt what Deven was. Smart, caring, funny and he never made an attempt to pay attention to her. She was just a part of his life, maybe not an important one.
She remembered the conversation they had.
"Rena, I still love you. But if you are happy to move out what can I say? I love being with you but I cannot force you to stay with me just cause you are married to me. If you love him I will consider it my misfortune. What can I say to you?"
"It doesnt make any difference to you?"
"What does it matter to you now whether it hurts me or not? I want you to be happy when you are with me and I am realising you are not happy with me. You are happy with Deven. He is a nice man. Fine. Its your call. If you want to stay with him I wont obstruct your ways. But let me tell you one thing Rena. Life is not a romance. and marriages tend to have highs and lows. So I will not divorce you until I am convinced that this is what you really want. Right now you dont live with him. He is an escape from everyday life. I am a part of your everyday life which you want to escape. So go and live your way."
" I doubt if you dont have an afffair. The way you speak.........do you care? Dont be so mature. You never live your life to the fullest. Being too contended is also a sign of failure. You dont want to move on in life. You are stuck and so am I with you. You should also try to understand why in the first place I started seeing Deven."
"Rena we have fought enough. And you have made the decision. so whats the point?"
"Fine"
The first week she moved in with Deen was blissful and heavenly. They had both taken time off work and it was a real holiday. A  real rosy riviera of passion without any perplexities life always has to offer.As days passed by she realised how different Deven was from Shibir. He woke up early in the morning and went for a jog, he never had breakfast with her. He had his juice in the office. Shibir always insisted on both of them having breakfast even if its late. Little ways, ample thoughts..........Rena never let go of her confusion. She looked forward to the getaways evenings brought and she felt she was happy until one day Deven's parents decided to pay a visit for a few days and they were both not prepared to let the news out as yet. so she rented a place and moved out.
It was this time she realised how messed up her life was and where she was going was not exactly a home.......
                                            .........to be continued for 1 more part only.....