Marriages, they say are not made of love, but a commitment to consciously redefine and reassess love. Love they say has to be created, recreated, bound and then rolled out at each mealtime like a roti.
Rena came back from work. Today was stressful. She put her keys on the mantle and was running her hands through her tightly tied hair, looking for her clip all around, when the telephone urged her to interrupt the search and speak to the caller, who happened to be none other than Deven.
" Hi darling"
"Hi Deven.How was your day?"
"As usual and yours?"
"Busy. How was our meeting in Delhi?"
" Didnt reach to any conclusion. I might have to go again next week."
" Hmmm... So?"
" I was thinking let's go out for dinner today."
" Honestly I would love to, but I am so tired I just want to go to sleep."
" We will be back soon."
"Aa....ummmmm........"
"Get ready. I will pick you up in 15 minutes, okay?"
"Okay"
She was in the bathroom when the telephone again filled the room with its sharp voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi Rena" It was Shibir. She felt the tingling down her spine.
"Hi......."
" I just called to ask you how you are. Its been a while."
"Yeah, I am good."
"So, hows things with Deven? I tried his house first but he said you were here"
"You called his house?'
"Yes, why is there a problem?"
"Yeah ,look he is a bit edgy and anyway I dont live with him as yet, so you'd rather call here." She wondered why she didnt ask him not to call him again.
"Okay, I wont call there, I wont call at all if you dont want me to. I just find it so uneasy, you know we are so used to each other.......but if Deven doesnt like it I will better not call you."
"No Shibir, I will talk to you, because I like talking to you."
"Do you..........still?'
"Ok I have to go ...I will call you later."
She didnt relish the idea of going out with Deven now he knew that Shibir had called.She hated to start a string of never ending arguments, so this time she lifted the phone and dialed." Deven.........?"
"Yeah I am coming"
"No look yaar, seriously can we go tomorrow, I have a terrible headache."
"But....................Ok. You call me tomorrow ok cause this isnt working."
"Yeah I know. Give me a day's time and I am going to sort this out for good."
 Rena went to the little place she called her tranquil room and prayed . She reversed the whole scenario in her mind's eye.
It all started with everyday quarrels. She and Shibir had a happy married life for over 4 years. Happy in the sense they were comfortable with each other. Shibir was a straightforward and simple guy. He preferred  a quiet time over a disco or outing. He was so happy with himself that sometimes Rena felt he didnt need her at all. He helped her with housework occasionally, but Rena preferred to do it most on her own. She hated interference and besides she loved to cook. There was the everyday monotonous life. They went out with friends some times. They went out for a dinner once a week. Gradually the quarrels were more time consuming and it started affecting their work and health.
 Rena's boredom increased and so did the lack  of romance in their lives. It was nothing new. Most couples go through this phase of turmoil and change. What was turning though that she met Deven. She knew him before her wedding. He was just a dear friend then. She started seeing him often.
Deven was charming, and caring and helpful with everything and the comparisons between the two men had no limits in her mind.She fell in love with him. Shibir noticed the change in her attitude and asked her. He knew she was seeing Deven but he thought they were friends. He asked her if there was something wrong and  honest as Rena was she told him.Rena was always the one to condemn extra marital affairs. The contemt and guilt was to difficult for her to bear each day. She felt she was cheating Shibir and more so because he trusted her so much, but the thought of not seeing Deven killed her. She couldnt live without him. Everyday she got up from bed and went to work, only in the hope of seeing Deven in the evening. Deven filled her life with love and romance. His smile was a breathtaking event. The roses he brought always smelt nice like the time they shared.
Shibir stood in her life like an icon of guilt who never failed to realise her that she was wrong. His silence and pain was too much for her to bear. She wanted to live away from him , not because his attitude but because she couldnt bear the self pity. She reasoned with herself that this happens and it did not take her long to pile the blame on him. After all he wasnt what Deven was. Smart, caring, funny and he never made an attempt to pay attention to her. She was just a part of his life, maybe not an important one.
She remembered the conversation they had.
"Rena, I still love you. But if you are happy to move out what can I say? I love being with you but I cannot force you to stay with me just cause you are married to me. If you love him I will consider it my misfortune. What can I say to you?"
"It doesnt make any difference to you?"
"What does it matter to you now whether it hurts me or not? I want you to be happy when you are with me and I am realising you are not happy with me. You are happy with Deven. He is a nice man. Fine. Its your call. If you want to stay with him I wont obstruct your ways. But let me tell you one thing Rena. Life is not a romance. and marriages tend to have highs and lows. So I will not divorce you until I am convinced that this is what you really want. Right now you dont live with him. He is an escape from everyday life. I am a part of your everyday life which you want to escape. So go and live your way."
" I doubt if you dont have an afffair. The way you speak.........do you care? Dont be so mature. You never live your life to the fullest. Being too contended is also a sign of failure. You dont want to move on in life. You are stuck and so am I with you. You should also try to understand why in the first place I started seeing Deven."
"Rena we have fought enough. And you have made the decision. so whats the point?"
"Fine"
The first week she moved in with Deen was blissful and heavenly. They had both taken time off work and it was a real holiday. A  real rosy riviera of passion without any perplexities life always has to offer.As days passed by she realised how different Deven was from Shibir. He woke up early in the morning and went for a jog, he never had breakfast with her. He had his juice in the office. Shibir always insisted on both of them having breakfast even if its late. Little ways, ample thoughts..........Rena never let go of her confusion. She looked forward to the getaways evenings brought and she felt she was happy until one day Deven's parents decided to pay a visit for a few days and they were both not prepared to let the news out as yet. so she rented a place and moved out.
It was this time she realised how messed up her life was and where she was going was not exactly a home.......
                                            .........to be continued for 1 more part only.....