Arrested with her own turmoil, Rena never found the time, or the inclination to see her friends. She had two groups of friends. One who chided her on having an extramarital affair, which included mainly married and single but never married people. The other who said "Hey what the heck? Go on babes, get a life. Let your dumbo hubby rot and miss you." This group included the single, divorced and boldly unhappy in their marriage people. Rena did not find solace in any of them.She was curled in her blanket on the floor surfing the television looking for something to grip her troubled mind. Among the noisy musicals and equally musical soaps she heard the deep voice of someone saying " The mind is the seat of trouble. Let your mind control you and you will lose all control. Have control over your mind and you will find peace."
She never ever trusted these so called swamis and could never be bothered to hear any of the crap they had to say. But she lingered on for more. Some thing in her wouldnt let her make the switch to anything else.
" There always are two ways, in whatever you do, a job and another better one, a wife and another beautiful woman, a career and your family ties.......where do you go for answers.? To your mind who troubles you even further. No one can help you because you do not know yourself what to ask for.........."The dreaded commercial. She switched channels and in the midst of it fell asleep. She longed for more, surfed the net but couldnt find his name or any information.Rena knew she had found what she was looking for in those few words. She resorted to something she had forgotten long ago. She brought her hands together, and with tears in her eyes.....She prayed...searched for answers she had never found. Her hands directed to skies she let out a wail and loudly as she could ...she cried. She cried not because she was hurt but because she was healed. She cried not because she thought she had found the wrong man but because ,finally she found herself.
She had decided, what was getting tough was to let her ego aside and tell him , tell him how much she loved him , tell him how happy she was after all. She was not worried how he would react, she was not concerned about letting herself down because for the first time in so many days she felt free. She had learnt a lesson.
She had realised that happiness cannot be found, it can also not be created, it is a state of mind and as the sadhu said, you control your own mind. She had understood why life that seemed so boring to her had a meaning of its own. She had rediscovered the joy of watching a film together.She had fallen in love for the first time... with her husband.
She decided to go back to the old fashioned way of writing and she fished out a piece of paper and wrote,
"Dear Deven,
It is no fault of yours that I have made this decision, and I hope I am not punishing you for something you do not deserve. I would look like a saint if I told you that you are single and I do not wish that you spoil your life with a confused and unhappy married woman. The truth is that I did never think of you all this while, all I thought about was myself. And that is what I am doing now too, but this time I,m happy and I dont feel guilty. I did not want to start the same story with you agian once we get to know each other better, because today I have learnt something and I have grown up. I have come out of the daze that I am a girl who needs love and care. I have concluded today to myself that I am woman whom God has endowed with so much love that I need to give it. I hae learnt that romance is only the start to a relationship and then the relationship needs to be nurtured, with or without romance. The ex-pression a man has on his face after a hearty home made meal is more satisfying for a woman than bringing her a gift on her birthday. This does not mean you are wrong and I never loved you. In a corner of my heart I still do and always will, but I realised that once we start to live together the responsibilities piling up I will endeavour again for the Deven that brought me roses. I do not have the courage to build that all over again , I have made pains to build my home and I realised that I love it alongwith the man in it.
I will always be indebted to you for this special time we spent and for being an important part of helping me hault my marriage becoming a failure.
Love, Rena.
She pinned the letter where they shared everyday notes, on the fridge. With trembling hands she turned the steering wheel towards "Shubham Apts" uncertain all the while how she was going to tell Shibir, but worry did not worry her now , because she had the strengthh to face the truth about herself and her mistakes.
She went upstairs and though she had the keys, she rang the bell and waited for Shibir to open the door............................................
                                                             ....................the end.